James Worthington, MS3 at Best Medical School (BMS), woke up the morning of August 16th thinking that it would be just an ordinary day. His alarm rang at 4:30am, he chugged two red bulls in the shower, and he drove to the labor and delivery ward for his OB/GYN clerkship, napping at every stoplight. 

“I knew since my first day of elementary school that Orthopedic Surgery was the field for me.” Student Doctor Worthington told this journalist. “I like hammers.” Little did he know, his OB/GYN clerkship was soon to take a strange turn. 

“Well, usually, I just get up and follow the resident when she goes anywhere,” said SD Worthington. “Nobody really tells me when there are things going on.”

“Yeah, I noticed he was following me,” says Dr. Jenny Talia, a PGY3 in OB/GYN. “You just go to a room when it turns red on the board. I’ve told him that several times now but he won’t stop talking about hammers.” But that morning, the first morning of Anti-Christmas, Dr. Talia had another morning report to attend - one that our young, doe-eyed medical student was not meant to see. 

A member of the hospital’s Satanist Committee, Dr. Talia was required to attend the Anti-Christmas Blood Orgy every second Thursday. At 7:56AM, SD Worthington watched as Dr. Talia arose from her workstation and walked towards the conference room. As always, he followed. Dr. Talia went past the conference room to another door - a flaming gate SD Worthington had never noticed. She walked in, not realizing he was right behind her. What SD Worthington saw would change his life for the next 5 minutes. 

Flames licked the walls as devil-horned medical professionals took part in an orgy the size of a rugby scrum. Viscera and genitalia mixed with the smells of lube, lighter fluid, and bleach. Deafening music played from the walls - My Humps by the Black Eyed Peas, on repeat - and a Hellish ghoul was milling about, offering refreshments. 

“It wasn’t that gross. The blood covered most of the nudity and the masks helped conceal which of my faculty members are satanists.” SD Worthington tells this journalist of his experience. “I even saw one of them using a hammer in a way I hadn’t thought of before.”

While it is certainly appalling that a student was forced to encounter a demonic celebration of lust and death in the workplace, we can only hope SD Worthington’s experience will lead to further administrative regulation surrounding this behavior. This publication has since reached out to BMS and its affiliated hospital systems, and they have not responded to our emails. SD Worthington stopped talking to us when he realized we weren’t interviewing him for bodybuilding.com. And Dr. Talia told this journalist she’d meet him by the cafeteria in 10 minutes, but it’s been 2 hours and she seems to have completely forgotten about me.