March 30th marks this year’s National Doctor’s Day, an annual holiday meant to honor physicians and recognize their contributions to society. It was founded in 1933 by Georgia physician Dr. Charles Almond, who had just heard about penicillin and was feeling pretty good about himself. 

Cash Grabbington, CEO of Our Lady of Dolly Parton Hospital, wanted to do something special for his physicians this year.

“These doctors deserve a treat after working tirelessly through an unprecedented pandemic,” Cash told us via FaceTime on his way to the Bahamas. “At first we considered a bonus or increasing PTO but that didn’t feel like a thoughtful gift. We wanted to really wow these doctors and show them how much we appreciate them.”

Cash and the board of directors at OLDPH settled on providing the physicians with the unique experience of touching Cash’s private yacht for no longer than 2 minutes. 

“It just felt right. When will these doctors ever get to graze their grubby little paws upon such a beautiful vessel?” said Cash, now sipping from a coconut. “I’ll have to get it detailed afterwards so there goes that new MRI machine, but it’ll all be worth it to see the smiles on their faces.”

The morning of March 30th, Mr. Grabbington’s yacht, Bleed Em Dry, was pulled into the ambulance bay of the hospital. We spoke to a few of the physicians as they left their busy work day to take part in the celebration. 

“He refused to provide us hazard pay during the pandemic, then bought this thing a week later. So I guess it’s nice to see it in person,” Dr. Rebecca Cohen, one of the hospital’s ICU physicians, told us as she rubbed the yacht’s shiny exterior while reminiscing over all of the patients she had seen die in agony.

“I wish that we could go inside, but he told us that he’d have to cancel this year’s Christmas bonus to get it cleaned if we did that,” said Dr. Richard Grey, an ER physician who has worked at OLDPH for 35 years. “We all kind of decided that wouldn’t be worth it. But compared to some of his previous offers… not a terrible deal.”

“F*** that guy,” exclaimed Dr. Andy Biggs, one of the hospital’s trauma surgeons, as he glanced at the yacht on his way to a grisly GSW.

Cash joined the celebrations via Facetime, now getting a back massage. 

“You all work so hard to keep our patients healthy. One of these days I’ll make sure to stop by the hospital to thank you in person but until then, this seems like it should be enough! Happy Doctors Day! We appreciate you!”